Keep on Loving You
by ktshdw
Summary: Will and Deanna’s thoughts after the death of their daughter Kiara. Sequel to “I’m Not Afraid”.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

I can face all life will throw my way  
But a world without a friend  
And I will take that road back to your door  
I will pass this way again

Though we're far apart we can share the sky  
And that same moon overhead  
And like that moon returns most every night  
I will pass this way again

When my time is up and my body lays down  
When the candle fades and dims  
Throw my ashes into a restless wind  
And I will pass this way again

Let a light shine in your window  
Let me see where I have been  
And if that light still shines and if fortune smiles  
I will pass this way again  
I will pass this way again

Deanna wipes the stray tears from her eyes as she softly strokes the picture of her daughter Kiara. She was happy and healthy, her dark eyes lit with great joy, her soft dark curls cascading pass her shoulders. Why did this have to happen she wondered as a familiar hand is placed around her waist. It was her husband Will, the warmth of his hand stroking her gently trying to make her feel better.

"It wasn't your fault Deanna; you have to stop blaming yourself."

"If only I didn't suggest we go to that planet, Kiara would be here with us today. It's my fault Will and there isn't anything you can say to change it."

She turns coldly away and tosses the picture of Kiara onto the bed closing the bathroom door behind her. Will could hear the tears she shed, every one of them, and there was nothing he could do to make her better except be there for her during this most difficult time.


	2. Keep on Loving You

Title: Keep on Loving You

Rated: T

Couples: R/T

Time Line: Titan

©2005

Rights: They do not belong to me I am just burrowing them. However if you come across an unknown name most likely it belongs to me.

Summery: Will and Deanna's thoughts after the death of their daughter Kiara. Sequel to "I'm Not Afraid".

Will's Pov:

My Imzadi was lying in her childhood bed tears stained her cheeks it was clear that she had been crying. Her eyes were red, swollen, and puffy as I looked on. She held Kiara's stuffed bear to her chest gasping between the tears. I watched helplessly as my wife sobbed the bear damp from her tears. I wanted to cry but I had to be strong for my wife and I knew that Kiara wouldn't want to see her mother waste away. I glanced at my wife briefly then sadly turned away. After all she wasn't the only person who lost someone she loved I did too.

I walked out of her room fearing what she might do while I was away. Kiara's funeral is today and she will not come. As much as I wanted to stay I fear that it would only cause her more pain and I couldn't bare the thought of her in pain. For the first time in my life I saw a woman, usually so much stronger then me, cradling our daughter's bear. She was the one who calmed the chaos of Titan's crew and now she is weakened with memories. She doesn't speak to me anymore and how I long to hear the music in her voice. Where is my Imzadi, I knew she was inside that body and she begged for someone to help? Each time I tried to she pushed me away, she's never done that before we have always been so open with each other and now I can't even find her. Our link is severed from her emotions she is no longer a part of me. I walked along the hallway finding myself thinking of how much she would regret if she does not say goodbye. I can not make her come only she can decide.

Deanna's Pov:

What have I done? I asked myself for the 100th time today. Then I find my answer, I let my daughter die; if only I didn't suggest we visit that planet Kiara would be here with me? Now all I have left of my precious daughter is pictures and a thousand memories. She would never have a boyfriend, she would never go to her first dance, never marry, and never be a mother. I took all that away in just a short time. If only I could turn back time and prevent this from ever happening if only I could be the one who died then maybe Will could find another love. Why did it have to beher? It should have been me. He doesn't deserve me he deserves someone better someone who can give him all he wants and not be a constant reminder of what he used to have.

When I look into her room I only see painful memories. It was empty, hollow, and as dark as my heart. I clutched at her teddy bear trying to remember her voice, her face, her love. She woke every morning with a smile and wanted to be a Starship Captain eversince she was old enough to walk she sat on her father's lap learning how to fly the ship. So much wonder in her eyes and so much love to give. She would never know what she would become and she would never understand what a gift it was to be betazoid. We were so much alike when I looked into her eyes it was me. She knew how to crack a joke at the perfect time and when things became difficult she was there pulling me out of the darkness.

I want to see my daughter one last time before she joins my father but my heart can't take the pain of seeing her. As I wipe my tears from my eyes my head saysstay,but my heart says go. I sit at her vanity pulling her nightgown to my face inhaling her sent of lavender, her favorite perfume. Thoughts of my father and memories of my son Ian haunt me every moment. I should go, I must go, but I can't go. Why did it have to be so hard? I remember how my mother cried as she went though daddy's things and I don't want to do the same. Something inside of me is reaching for a strong hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on and no one is there. Somehow I knew that my life would never be the same. Maybe I should do what needs to be done perhaps it was time for me to join our daughter in death. She would be alone and scared and she needed me. But what of Will? Should I leave him alone with nothing left but a memory of what we had and what we were? Perhaps it would be better this way. I wouldn't be a constant reminder of what I did.

Will's Pov:

As I stand in the meadows of Betazed a single pink coffin was all that was left of my daughter. Lwaxana offered me her strength and as much as she tried to be strong I knew she was aching with loss. Remembering the day she buried her own daughter Kestra, so many years ago. The sight of Kiara brought back the painful memories she buried for so many years. She tried to talk to Deanna but she was kept from feeling her pain. Even if she weren't telepathic she could tell Deanna was blaming herself. I placed my hand around her waist steadying her body. It was growing weaker with every passing moment. I wanted to shed tears but I can not, I need to be the strong one now, I needed to be the anchor in the Troi family.

I hold Lwaxana tighter as she looses the battle with her tears and they begin to fall down her cheeks. I can feel the dampness of her tears on my dress uniform. Though it was thick material with Lwaxana's tears flowing freely brought the dampness though to my tank. The normal eccentric Lwaxana was no more. We both approached the coffin with caution. I peered in and pulled a strand of dark hair off Kiara's cheek. Lwaxana gently stroked Kiara's cheek and pulled at the pink color of her dress. She placed a broach on her lapel and I'm sure telepathically told Kiara she loved her. But something about that feeling caused me to turn to the pebble road behind us. When I saw my beautiful Imzadi walking down the road I knew Deanna had changed her mind. She was coming down the road holding a batch of Kiara's favorite flowers, forget-me-nots, and her teddy bear in her hands. One flower was in her hair though un-kept she was beautiful to me. Lwaxana turned to the road as Deanna approached us. She ran to her daughter's side taking her in her arms. All I could do was watch and be thankful that she finally decided to come.

Deanna approached me and looked into my eyes. I could see that something changed was it her mind, or her eyes?They were brighter though still red from crying. I didn't care what it was at the moment as she ran to my arms her face buried in my dress uniform. The words **"_I'm sorry for what I've done"_** echoed in my mind.The first words I heard from Deanna since the tragic incident. She was coming back to me I only wish I knew what it was that changed her. Perhaps Kiara came to her and told herthat she neededto forgive herself. Before she asked for Kiara's forgiveness. Whatever it was Deanna was finally returning to me.

Deanna's Pov:

After hugging my mother and my lover I drifted to see my daughter. As I looked into her resting place I couldn't help but smile. She was beautiful a perfect balance between her father and I. I stroked her soft cheek as a tear fell from my eyes and landed on her small hand. I placed the flowers next to her head and her teddy bear in her arms. I knew that would be where she wanted them and as much as I wanted to keep her teddy, to remember her, but I knew that Kiara would want it with her. With one last look to remember her by I said good-bye finally and let her go. Though I knew that she would live on in me and her father something told me she wouldn't be far away.

I approached my family and smiled I knew that the question that lingered on in their minds was _"why I went from suicidal to living again"_ but I wanted the blessing to be finished before I told them. Mother came to me and smiled at me she knew what happened and took me into her arms. That is one thing that mother and I knew about and no other species knew of that gift. Now we could share our thoughts and feelings because we both knew what it felt like to loose a child at such a young age. Together Mother and I went to Will, and as usual, he took us both in his arms and the ceremony was completed. As the sun set over Lake El'Nar I finally made peace with my daughter's death and no longer blamed myself. But not for me for our daughter it was her last wish.

Later that evening while the family celebrated Kiara's life instead of morning it Deanna finally let Will know what changed her heart and her mind. They family was gathered around the fire in the family room Will was on a chair while Deanna was sitting on the arm rest. Lwaxana was seated on a love seat, the family were discussing the happy times with Kiara. It may seem cruel but it was their way.

"Deanna, what changed your mind about going to the funeral?"

"After you left the house and headed to the gardens I was actually contemplating if I wanted to be with Kiara or to stay with you and she spoke to me. She told me that I should stay with you because you needed me and that someday I would be a grandmother."

"What? How could this happen?"

"When a betazoid passes away they can not go on to another life without healing their family's hearts and minds. It is as human's tradition to have a last wish and until it is fulfilled the person can not move on to the after life."

"When she told me that it wasn't my fault that she passed away she felt I needed to know that. Then she told me to forgive myself and to come back to you. I was worried of course about having another child suffering the same fate Kiara did. Then she told me that even when we have another child she knew that we both would have enough love for both of them both in life and death."

"And that is what changed your mind on coming to the funeral?"

"Yes, then she said something as she faded away. She told me that **_"I was the only one who knew how much she loved me in spirit; and the only one who knows what her heart feels like from inside of her." _**I was so touched I finally made peace with her death."

"She said this to you as she faded away?"

"Yes I know we weren't planning on having another child Will but maybe she was telling us that whenever fate deals us an unwanted hand to go with it."

Lwaxana smiles and moves over to her family and places a hand on theirs.

"It's a lot to take in for one day but this way Kiara will always be with you wherever you go inside here."

She places her hand on Will's heart as well as Deanna's

"She lives in you."

Will turns to Deanna then they both turn to Lwaxana.

"And in you"

Will finishes placing his hand on Lwaxana's shoulder.

"I believe that now more then ever."

TBC… "I'm Not Afraid"


End file.
